Please skip this entire post if you do not wish to read the pure 100% of my rants. Thanks.








































































I have this sudden urge to start working and feed myself instead of having to depend on my parents(my mum mostly). She's no longer as sturdy and strong as before, she's always stressed out by her ridiculously heavy work load and is super thrifty and frugal when it comes to herself. I hate it when she comes home looking so overworked,exhausted and stressed and all I can do is to lend her my ears for 5 mins or less. I hate it when I have to ask her for money. I hate to feel so dependent and useless.

My mum has become so much more haggard than before thanks to her ridiculously heavy,hectic,tedious and stressful job. Days passes so quickly and it has never occurred to me that my parents are getting older each day and I take everyday for granted. I mean, I have to take action and be more dependable no? I would want to help in any way I can for my family. I love my mum a lot but I just can't show it. Neither can I say it. :( FUCK!


My bank account is running dry. And as I've said, I hate to ask for money from my mum... My pay from my current "quarter" time job isn't enough ...so most probably I'll start getting a part time job and start working after school and weekends or something. Preferably some job that's not so taxing would be good. I wouldn't mind working at ticket counters, restaurants, cd shops, shops,cinemas, or whatever, I just need enough money to support myself and lessen the burden off my mum's shoulders. Of course, if it's within my means, I would want to help more. Be it financially, psychologically, physically or whatever. I guess I just want to be slightly more independent and helpful instead of a hindrance/burden.


I guess she never knows how I truly feel inside... She's always saying things that are so untrue and it hurts my ears sometimes. I hate it. Problem is: We do not have the typical mum-daughter kind of bond, I don't get her as much as she doesn't get me... but in any case, I never wanted to hurt her or give her unnecessary stress and anger, I just wanted to speak my mind if I'm accused wrongly. That's not wrong is it? I'd give in to her anyway... I would take it all in and let it all out on something else I guess...

Sometimes I can't help but wish unrealistically that my dad was a billionaire who loves his family so much that sufferings/problems never existed and that people would die to be us. Sometimes I look at other families and I wonder why my life is so much more miserable, empty and pathetic. And sometimes, I didn't mind shortening my life for my mum to live longer. People say that money isn''t the most important thing in life. But I beg to differ. Without money, it's worse. It's pure torture and it's like the root of all problems and can also be the answer to all problems no? Who would ever befriend someone living off the streets and eating leftovers? Who would even talk to a beggar and asks how his day went?

Please forgive me for having such stupid and naive thoughts for this is the only place I can speak my mind. I'm sorry that you had to read that whole chunk of crap... :(

So if any of you nice people who are reading this happen to be touched by the words above and have job vancancies please let me know yeah? Thanks.

P.S: This post is not to inform everyone that I'm in a financial crisis or whatsoever (I'm NOT!) but rather, I'm just guilty and remorseful for spending so much of my mum's hard earned money unknowingly and selfishly and that I am probably going through a transition to be a better daughter and person(I hope). Thanks.